Academic Writing—Peer OR Self-Reviewing an Argumentative Essay Draft

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Reviewer:

Writer:

What is the writer’s thesis statement? (If you cannot figure it out, ask the writer):

For each area that needs additions and/or reworking, mark your peer’s paper with the appropriate symbol, for example, “1b” if the writer needs to work on the five or six paragraph format.

1. Essay format and development of body paragraphs:

a. The paper needs to be expanded to meet the 500-700 word length (Mark with 1a).

b. The writer needs to work on developing the five or six paragraph format (1b).

c. The writer needs to develop one or more of the body paragraphs (1c).

2. Research sources and use of sources:

a. The writer has not used any outside research sources (Mark 2a and return the paper to the writer, who should see me immediately).

b. The writer needs to use more outside research sources (2b).

c. The writer needs to refer to the source within the text itself, for example, “According to Smith (2009)...” or “The author of ‘Child Development’ (2006) stated that...” (2c).

d. The writer needs to work on his or her reasoning skills, to develop inferences, and to arrive at his/her own opinions, supported by his/her research sources (2d).

3. Paraphrasing and quoting (based on the source brought to class by the writer):

a. The writer has plagiarized by cutting and pasting a significant amount of source material without using quotation marks. (Mark with 3a and return the paper to the writer, who then should see me immediately–not to be punished, but to be advised).

b. While the writer has made an attempt to paraphrase the source material, he or she still needs to work on the proper paraphrasing of research sources (3b).

c. The writer needs to use quotation marks around text that is more than three consecutive words from the original, unless it is a common English phrase. If you are not sure, ask the instructor (3c).

4. Counterarguments:

a. The writer needs to recognize one or more counterarguments (4a).

b. The writer needs to accommodate one or more counterarguments (4b).

c. The writer needs to refute one or more counterarguments (4c).

5. Introduction and conclusion:

a. The writer needs to develop an appropriate and interesting introduction, with the thesis at the end of the paragraph (5a).

b. The writer needs to develop an appropriate and interesting conclusion, which includes a restatement of the thesis, but in different words (5b).

6. Transition signals:

a. The writer needs to incorporate some appropriate transition signals from paragraph to paragraph and for comparing and contrasting ideas within paragraphs. (“In addition,” “however,” “thus,” “on the other hand,” etc.) (Mark areas with 6a). See the handout from Fall 2009 semester.

7. Overall writing quality (Choose ONE–and be honest, please):

a. Even for a draft, the overall writing quality is good; however, the writer should expect to do some minor editing and revision for the final paper (7a).

b. The quality of writing is what one would expect of a rough draft, but the writer should expect to do some significant editing and revision (7b).

c. The quality of writing is lower than one would expect, even for a draft, so the writer should expect to do some extensive editing and revision (7c).

8. APA documentation:

a. Missing internal citations. The writer needs to incorporate internal citations within the text to attribute all source material (Mark, within the text itself, all missing citations with 8a).

b. Incorrect internal citations. The writer needs to incorporate proper internal citations within the text to attribute properly all source material (Mark, within the text itself, all incorrect citations with 8b).

c. Missing References list. At the end of the essay, the writer needs to add a reference list, following the format as specified in the APA handout (Mark the end of the essay with 8c).

d. Missing Reference entries. The writer needs to add one or more reference entries in the reference list, following the format as specified in the APA handout (Mark, within the reference list itself, missing entries with 8d).

e. Incorrect References. The writer needs to develop a proper reference list, following the format as specified in the APA handout (Mark, within the reference list itself, all incorrect citations 8e).

f. Alphabetical order of References. The writer needs to re-order the list in alphabetical order, according to the author’s last name or (if the name of the author is unknown) according to the first word of the article’s title (Mark, after “References” title, 8f).

9. Reviewer’s narrative comments (about three or four sentences that focus on the most urgent areas that the writer needs to work on and/or correct–and be honest, please):

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Academic Writing--The Persuasive Essay: Introductions and Conclusions (Marked Group Work)

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Click on each image for a larger view:

Groups 1 and 5


Group 2


Group 4

The unreadable blue highlighted text in dialogue bubble JSS10:

Very good conclusion.

Your group is the only one that wove in the thesis statement very seamlessly.

It’s short and to the point, but very powerful.

___________________________________________

Source for exercise (includes the complete essay):

Cell [Mobile] Phone Use Should be Banned While Driving.

_________________________________________

Note: the original essay does NOT have good internal documentation, but, for this exercise, we were concerned only with developing solid introductions and conclusions.
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American Literature--The Story of Little Black Sambo (Helen Bannerman, 1889)

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1899 cover, Illustrated by Helen Bannerman
(Note to the casual reader: this story and the accompanying graphic have been posted as part of a lesson on Invisible Man, by Ralph Ellison. The webmaster is well-aware of the controversy surrounding this story, written by a white English lady in 1889, who had lived in India for 32 years. If you disagree with the webmaster's decision to post this story, you are entitled to your opinion. However, please do not email about why this piece should or should not be posted on an academic site. I will ignore all emails regarding this matter. Thank you.)

PREFACE
There is very little to say about the story of LITTLE BLACK SAMBO. Once upon a time there was an English lady in India, where black children abound and tigers are everyday affairs, who had two little girls. To amuse these little girls she used now and then to invent stories, for which, being extremely talented, she also drew and coloured the pictures.

Among these stories LITTLE BLACK SAMBO, which was made up on a long railway journey, was the favourite; and it has been put into a DUMPY BOOK, and the pictures copies as exactly as possible, in the hope that you will like it as much as the two little girls did.

The Story of Little Black Sambo.

Once upon a time there was a little black boy, and his name was Little Black Sambo.

And his mother was called Black Mumbo.

And his father was called Black Jumbo.

And Black Mumbo made him a beautiful little Red Coat, and a pair of beautiful little blue trousers.

And Black Jumbo went to the Bazaar, and bought him a beautiful Green Umbrella, and a lovely little Pair of Purple Shoes with Crimson Soles and Crimson Linings.

And then wasn't Little Black Sambo grand?

So he put on all his Fine Clothes, and went out for a walk in the Jungle. And by and by he met a Tiger. And the Tiger said to him, "Little Black Sambo, I'm going to eat you up!" And Little Black Sambo said, "Oh! Please Mr. Tiger, don't eat me up, and I'll give you my beautiful little Red Coat." So the Tiger said, "Very well, I won't eat you this time, but you must give me your beautiful little Red Coat." So the Tiger got poor Little Black Sambo's beautiful little Red Coat, and went away saying, "Now I'm the grandest Tiger in the Jungle."

And Little Black Sambo went on, and by and by he met another Tiger, and it said to him, "Little Black Sambo, I'm going to eat you up!" And Little Black Sambo said, "Oh! Please Mr. Tiger, don't eat me up, and I'll give you my beautiful little Blue Trousers." So the Tiger said, "Very well, I won't eat you this time, but you must give me your beautiful little Blue Trousers." So the Tiger got poor Little Black Sambo's beautiful little Blue Trousers, and went away saying, "Now I'm the grandest Tiger in the Jungle."

And Little Black Sambo went on, and by and by he met another Tiger, and it said to him, "Little Black Sambo, I'm going to eat you up!" And Little Black Sambo said, "Oh! Please Mr. Tiger, don't eat me up, and I'll give you my beautiful little Purple Shoes with Crimson Soles and Crimson Linings."

But the Tiger said, "What use would your shoes be to me? I've got four feet, and you've got only two; you haven't got enough shoes for me."

But Little Black Sambo said, "You could wear them on your ears."

"So I could," said the Tiger: "that's a very good idea. Give them to me, and I won't eat you this time."

So the Tiger got poor Little Black Sambo's beautiful little Purple Shoes with Crimson Soles and Crimson Linings, and went away saying, "Now I'm the grandest Tiger in the Jungle."

And by and by Little Black Sambo met another Tiger, and it said to him, "Little Black Sambo, I'm going to eat you up!"

And Little Black Sambo said, "Oh! Please Mr. Tiger, don't eat me up, and I'll give you my beautiful Green Umbrella." But the Tiger said, "How can I carry an umbrella, when I need all my paws for walking with?"

"You could tie a knot on your tail and carry it that way," said Little Black Sambo. "So I could," said the Tiger."

Give it to me, and I won't eat you this time." So he got poor Little Black Sambo's beautiful Green Umbrella, and went away saying, "Now I'm the grandest Tiger in the Jungle."

And poor Little Black Sambo went away crying, because the cruel Tigers had taken all his fine clothes.

Presently he heard a horrible noise that sounded like "Gr-r-r-r-rrrrrr," and it got louder and louder. "Oh! dear!" said Little Black Sambo, "there are all the Tigers coming back to eat me up! What shall I do?" So he ran quickly to a palm-tree, and peeped round it to see what the matter was.

And there he saw all the Tigers fighting, and disputing which of them was the grandest. And at last they all got so angry that they jumped up and took off all the fine clothes, and began to tear each other with their claws, and bite each other with their great big white teeth.

And they came, rolling and tumbling right to the foot of the very tree where Little Black Sambo was hiding, but he jumped quickly in behind the umbrella. And the Tigers all caught hold of each other's tails, as they wrangled and scrambled, and so they found themselves in a ring round the tree.

Then, when the Tigers were very wee and very far away, Little Black Sambo jumped up, and called out, "Oh! Tigers! why have you taken off all your nice clothes? Don't you want them any more?" But the Tigers only answered, "Gr-r-rrrr!"

Then Little Black Sambo said, "If you want them, say so, or I'll take them away." But the Tigers would not let go of each other's tails, and so they could only say "Gr-r-r-rrrrrr!"

So Little Black Sambo put on all his fine clothes again and walked off.

And the Tigers were very, very angry, but still they would not let go of each other's tails. And they were so angry, that they ran round the tree, trying to eat each other up, and they ran faster and faster, till they were whirling round so fast that you couldn't see their legs at all.

And they still ran faster and faster and faster, till they all just melted away, and there was nothing left but a great big pool of melted butter (or "ghi," as it is called in India) round the foot of the tree.

Now Black Jumbo was just coming home from his work, with a great big brass pot in his arms, and when he saw what was left of all the Tigers he said, "Oh! what lovely melted butter! I'll take that home to Black Mumbo for her to cook with."

So he put it all into the great big brass pot, and took it home to Black Mumbo to cook with.

When Black Mumbo saw the melted butter, wasn't she pleased! "Now," said she, "we'll all have pancakes for supper!"

So she got flour and eggs and milk and sugar and butter, and she made a huge big plate of most lovely pancakes. And she fried them in the melted butter which the Tigers had made, and they were just as yellow and brown as little Tigers.

And then they all sat down to supper. And Black Mumbo ate Twenty-seven pancakes, and Black Jumbo ate Fifty-five but Little Black Sambo ate a Hundred and Sixty-nine, because he was so hungry.

Controversial History of “Little Black Sambo”

“Little Black Sambo,” A Later Cover

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Creative Writing--Prompt #7

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Keep in mind that you are NOT required to use these prompts for your drafts. They are just brainstorming tools. However, you MAY use these prompts to develop your drafts. In short, it is up to you. You can also use them at another time during the semester, not just this week.

Option #1 (200-250 words):

Write a short memoir about a time that you said or did something embarrassing and/or nasty to someone, an action for which you later regretted. In your piece, note how the wronged person reacted, and develop a scene that includes some recreated dialogue between you and that person, which may or may not include an apology. If the event took place a long time ago, reflect on how your actions affected your subsequent relationship with that person. In order to protect the innocent person, you may change the name of the wronged person. If you submit such a piece, I will assume that this is private writing, unless you tell me otherwise.

Option #2 (200-250 words):

Write a short memoir about a time that someone else said or did something embarrassing and/or nasty to you. In your piece, note how you (1) WANTED to react to this person’s actions and (2) how you REALLY reacted. If this person apologized to you, discuss whether or not the apology was acceptable to you. In other words, did the apology seem sincere? In this mini-memoir, develop a scene that includes some recreated dialogue between you and that person. If the event took place a long time ago, reflect on what that person’s action means to you now and how that person’s action has affected your subsequent relationship. In order to protect the guilty person, you may change the name of the wrong-doing person. If you submit such a piece, I will assume that this is private writing, unless you tell me otherwise.

Option #3 (200-250 words):

Write a travel essay about an important journey (meaning “vacation” in American English or “holiday” in British English).

A special suggestion for 4th year students: compare and contrast your traditional 4th year trip to your metaphorical journey through your four years of university.

For Option #3

Here are some examples of travel writing: Traveler Tales

Some characteristics of good travel writing: Suite101

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