Academic Writing: Summarizing and Paraphrasing a Poem--Results of the In-class Exercise from 11/23

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On November 23, my Academic Writing students were asked to do an in-class exercise during which they were to summarize and paraphrase--both line-by-line and prose version--a poem.

For others accessing this page: please bear in mind that this exercise was done during class in a limited amount of time.

In addition, for these students, English is a second language.

The students' summaries and paraphrases are presented in green, my notes in purple.

Group 1: (Katerina Angelkovska, AElica Atanasovska, Gorjan Kostovski, Aleksandra Tomeska)

“Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening,” by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

The writer talks about a snowy dark night in the woods where he's passing through on his way to somewhere.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase (to help you understand the poem better).

I think I'm familiar with this place.
But his house is not here;
And he won't see me now
while I watch the snow falling.

My horse is confused
Stopping far away from a farmhouse
In the middle of the woods and a frozen lake
In the darkest evening of the year.

His horse shakes his head
Wondering why they stopped
The only sound they can hear
is the sound of the wind and the flakes

He praises the woods
but he has to go
and keep his promises
before he finds a spot to sleep.

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

Group 1 did not finish the prose version; however, the line-by-line version is good, and this was the longest poem of the five assigned. This group started their paraphrase with the following:

The writer is travelling somewhere and is passing through the woods where he stops for a moment

This is still more of a summary than a paraphrase, but had they more time, I suspect that, after completing the prose version, they would have reworked the first sentence.

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Group 2: (Biljana Dijaniseva, Goran Dimitriev, Mila Dimoska, Sandra Mijalkovska, Natasha Stojanovska)

“Fire and Ice” by Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

The poem is about the two possible ways in which the world will end--in fire or in ice.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase (to help you understand the poem better).

Some people think the world will end in fire,
others think that it will freeze over.
From the poet's experience in desire
he supports the first group.
But if the world was given a second chance,
the poet recognizes hatred as the strongest emotion
which will destroy the world with ice.
An ending that is great and sufficient.

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

Robert Frost talks about the two beliefs about the ending of the world. According to the poem, some people believe that the world will end in fire, while others believe it will end in ice. From his experiences with passion, the poet supports supports those who believe the world will burn in the end. However, if the world had to end twice, the poet recognizes hatred as the cause for the world's destruction. And so the world will freeze over and end in ice, which is an appropriate ending.

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Group 3 (Frosina Angelkoska, Kosta Bojcheski, Biljana Nedelkoska, Biljana Zdravkoska):

“Yesterday is History,” by Emily Dickinson

Yesterday is History,
'Tis so far away
Yesterday is Poetry
'Tis Philosophy

Yesterday is mystery
Where it is Today
While we shrewdly speculate
Flutter both away

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

While dwelling on the past, we lose focus on present, and when thinking about the future, past and present fly away.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase (to help you understand the poem better. For this poem, this may be a bit difficult, but give it your best effort).

Yesterday is already gone,
It can never come back.
As past memories leave mark on us,
So does poetry on all humanity.

Evoking thinking about everything.
From the point of today, yesterday is a blur.
While wasting our time thinking about future,
Both yesterday and today are gone.

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

We shouldn't pay attention to the past because we can't change it. What's done is done. The author compares yesterday to poetry and philosophy because they are both contemplative processes, leaving deep trails on our minds. The mysterious face of yesterday is unknown because it is gone for good, and concentrating on the future makes both past and present unexisting.

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Group 4 (Aleksandar Dimitriev, Ivana Jovevska, Burkurie Kajoli, Biljana Mojsoska, Katerina Nikolovska, Maja Ristovska):

“Gypsy,” by Carl Sandburg

I asked a gypsy pal
To imitate an old image
And speak old wisdom.
She drew in her chin,
Made her neck and head
The top piece of a Nile obelisk
and said:
Snatch off the gag from thy mouth, child,
And be free to keep silence.
Tell no man anything for no man listens,
Yet hold thy lips ready to speak.

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

The poem is about the men's desire for gypsy wisdom.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase.

He asks a gypsy friend
to depict something ancient
and utter something wise
she made a face
and imitated
the head of a Nile Obelisk
and told him
remove the cloth from your mouth boy
enjoy silence
and don't bother others 'cos they don't pay attention
but be prepared to communicate.

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

The poet asks his female gypsy friend to depict something ancient. To look more convincing, she imitates a Nile Obelisk and tells him to remove the piece of cloth from his mouth. He should be ready to speak, but, however, keep silent because no one pays attention.

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Group 5 (Filip Aslimovski, Tihomir Davchev, Nikola Gjelimcheski, Vanja Tripunoska):

“An Epitaph,” by Walter de la Mare

Here lies a most beautiful lady,
Light of step and heart was she:
I think she was the most beautiful lady
That ever was in the West Country.
But beauty vanishes; beauty passes;
However rare, rare it be;
And when I crumble who shall remember
This lady of the West Country?

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

Beauty is transient.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase (to help you understand the poem better).

The poet starts by introducing a most beautiful lady who was light of step and heart and according to the poet's opinion the most beautiful lady ever seen in the West country.

In the second quatrain, he suggests that even the exceptional beauty fades with the years and he poses the question of who will remember this lady of exquisite beauty when he passes away.

NOTE: This is really a prose paraphrase of the poem with a bit of literary analysis.

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

The poem operates with the themes of beauty and transience. The first quatrain is very romantic-like in the depiction of a lady with exquisite beauty. Conversely, in the second quatrain he suggests the transience of beauty, a theme in many other poems. Finally, he ends the poem with a rhetorical question, revealing that what remains of a human life in only a rhyming couplet.

NOTE: this is really a literary analysis of the poem, which suggests that this class exercise might have been too elementary for this group and, perhaps, the entire class.

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Academic Writing: Assignment #5—Paraphrasing a Literary Analysis

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For Assignment #5, please paraphrase “Story of an Hour” by Kate Chopin: Language, Emotion and Marriage, a literary analysis (due December 15).

This assignment must be typed (not handwritten). You may submit this electronically, as an attached MSWord .doc or .docx file. IF you have access only to email (and no MS Word processing program), you may submit this in the body of the email, but I prefer an attached file because it makes much less technical work for me.

Please remember to put your name on your document.

Thanks!

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NOTES

Note #1:

When paraphrasing a literary analysis, please remember to use the appropriate

• Transition signals

• Reporting verb + that + subject + verb (Pattern 1)

• Reporting verb + somebody/something + for + noun/gerund (Pattern 2)

• Reporting verb + somebody/something + as + noun/gerund/adjective (Pattern 3)

(Refer to Unit 2 handout or click here).

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Note #2:

Article by Nicole Smith (http://www.articlemyriad.com/story_hour.htm)

Access Kate Chopin’s story The Story of an Hour.

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Note #3--Print copy only

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Note #4--Works Cited Styles:

Official MLA citation for this literary analysis, an online source:

Smith, Nicole. “‘Story of an Hour’ by Kate Chopin: Language, Emotion and Marriage.”
-----Article Myriad. 2009. Web. 25 Nov. 2009.

Official APA citation for this literary analysis, an online source:

Smith, N. (2009). “Story of an hour” by Kate Chopin: language, emotion and marriage.
-----Article Myriad. 2009. Retrieved from
http://www.articlemyriad.com/story_hour.htm

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Academic Writing: Paraphrasing a Literary Analysis—In-class exercise

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For Monday's class (November 30), your group will paraphrase an assigned paragraph from this literary analysis:

Group 1: Paragraph 1

Group 2: Paragraph 2

Group 3: Paragraph 3

Group 4: Paragraph 4

Group 5: Paragraph 5

Ms Siegel: Paragraph 6

I will collect your group paraphrases and post them on this website so that everyone has access to what each group has paraphrased.

However, each student will be responsible for completing Assignment #5 on his or her own and in his or her own words.
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Academic Writing--Transition Signals and Reporting Verbs (Patterns 1, 2, and 3)

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List of transition signals:

A. To indicate sequence or order

first, second etc.

at this point

followed by

next, last, finally

previously, subsequently

after that

first of all

and then

next, before, after

concurrently

at this time

meanwhile

simultaneously

B. To introduce/give an example

for example

for instance

in this case

on this occasion

to illustrate

to demonstrate

this can be seen

when/where...

take the case of

thus

subsequently

C. To indicate time

immediately

thereafter

formerly

prior to

previously

finally

then

soon

during

at that time

before, after

D. To logically divide an idea

firstly, secondly, thirdly

Initially, subsequently, ultimately first, next, finally

E. To compare

in a different way/sense

similarly

likewise

whereas

balanced against

by comparison

similar to

like, just like

conversely

F. To introduce an additional idea

in addition

also,

finally,

moreover

furthermore

one can also say

and then

further

another

besides that

nor

so

G. To introduce an opposite idea, contrast or to show exception

however

on the one/other hand

instead

whereas

while

in spite of

yet

nevertheless

but

despite

even though

but one could also say...

still

in contrast

a different view is

unlike

or

notwithstanding

List of Reporting Verbs:

Pattern 1: reporting verb + that + subject + verb

acknowledge

admit

agree

allege

argue

assert

assume

believe

claim

conclude

consider

decide

demonstrate

deny

determine

discover

doubt

emphasize

explain

find

hypothesize

imply

indicate

infer

note

object

observe

point out

prove

reveal

say

show

state

suggest

think

For example,

(a) Da Souza argues that previous researchers have misinterpreted the data.

(b) Researchers have demonstrated that the procedure is harmful.

(c) Positivists find that social disorders are exacerbated by class factors.

(d) Singh infers that both states are essential.

(e) As Da Souza argues, misinterpretations by previous researchers need to be corrected.

(f) As researchers have demonstrated, the procedure is harmful.

Pattern 2: reporting verb + somebody/something + for + noun/gerund

applaud

blame

censure

criticize

disparage

fault

praise

ridicule

single out

thank

For example,

(a) Smith criticized Jones for his use of incomplete data (OR for using incomplete data).

(b) Both Smith and Jones condemn previous researchers for distorting the data.

(c) Banting thanked Best for his contribution to the discovery of insulin.

Pattern 3: reporting verb + somebody/something + as + noun/gerund/adjective

appraise

assess

characterize

class

classify

define

depict

describe

evaluate

identify

interpret

portray

present

refer

view

For example,

(a) Jones describes the findings as resting on irrefutable evidence.

(b) Smith identifies the open window as a source of contamination.

(c) Smith and Jones both present their data as conclusive.

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Academic Writing--Assignment #4: Summarizing and Paraphrasing "The Story of an Hour" (Kate Chopin, 1851-1904)

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Kate Chopin, 1851-1904
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Instructions for Assignment #4 (Due November 30):

1. ALL GROUPS: In one or two sentences, summarize “The Story of an Hour,” by Kate Chopin.

2. Paraphrase your assigned passages:

Group 1: paragraphs 1-4

Group 2: paragraphs 5-9

Group 3: paragraphs 10-13

Group 4: paragraphs 14-18

Group 5: paragraphs 19-23

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The Story of An Hour

by

Kate Chopin
1. Knowing that Mrs. Mallard was afflicted with a heart trouble, great care was taken to break to her as gently as possible the news of her husband's death.

2. It was her sister Josephine who told her, in broken sentences; veiled hints that revealed in half concealing. Her husband's friend Richards was there, too, near her. It was he who had been in the newspaper office when intelligence of the railroad disaster was received, with Brently Mallard's name leading the list of "killed." He had only taken the time to assure himself of its truth by a second telegram, and had hastened to forestall any less careful, less tender friend in bearing the sad message.

3. She did not hear the story as many women have heard the same, with a paralyzed inability to accept its significance. She wept at once, with sudden, wild abandonment, in her sister's arms. When the storm of grief had spent itself she went away to her room alone. She would have no one follow her.

4. There stood, facing the open window, a comfortable, roomy armchair. Into this she sank, pressed down by a physical exhaustion that haunted her body and seemed to reach into her soul.

5. She could see in the open square before her house the tops of trees that were all aquiver with the new spring life. The delicious breath of rain was in the air. In the street below a peddler was crying his wares. The notes of a distant song which some one was singing reached her faintly, and countless sparrows were twittering in the eaves.

6. There were patches of blue sky showing here and there through the clouds that had met and piled one above the other in the west facing her window.

7. She sat with her head thrown back upon the cushion of the chair, quite motionless, except when a sob came up into her throat and shook her, as a child who has cried itself to sleep continues to sob in its dreams.

8. She was young, with a fair, calm face, whose lines bespoke repression and even a certain strength. But now there was a dull stare in her eyes, whose gaze was fixed away off yonder on one of those patches of blue sky. It was not a glance of reflection, but rather indicated a suspension of intelligent thought.

9. There was something coming to her and she was waiting for it, fearfully. What was it? She did not know; it was too subtle and elusive to name. But she felt it, creeping out of the sky, reaching toward her through the sounds, the scents, the color that filled the air.

10. Now her bosom rose and fell tumultuously. She was beginning to recognize this thing that was approaching to possess her, and she was striving to beat it back with her will--as powerless as her two white slender hands would have been.

11. When she abandoned herself a little whispered word escaped her slightly parted lips. She said it over and over under her breath: "free, free, free!" The vacant stare and the look of terror that had followed it went from her eyes. They stayed keen and bright. Her pulses beat fast, and the coursing blood warmed and relaxed every inch of her body.

12. She did not stop to ask if it were or were not a monstrous joy that held her. A clear and exalted perception enabled her to dismiss the suggestion as trivial.

13. She knew that she would weep again when she saw the kind, tender hands folded in death; the face that had never looked save with love upon her, fixed and gray and dead. But she saw beyond that bitter moment a long procession of years to come that would belong to her absolutely. And she opened and spread her arms out to them in welcome.

14. There would be no one to live for during those coming years; she would live for herself. There would be no powerful will bending hers in that blind persistence with which men and women believe they have a right to impose a private will upon a fellow-creature. A kind intention or a cruel intention made the act seem no less a crime as she looked upon it in that brief moment of illumination.

15. And yet she had loved him--sometimes. Often she had not. What did it matter! What could love, the unsolved mystery, count for in the face of this possession of self-assertion which she suddenly recognized as the strongest impulse of her being!

16. "Free! Body and soul free!" she kept whispering.

17. Josephine was kneeling before the closed door with her lips to the keyhole, imploring for admission. "Louise, open the door! I beg; open the door--you will make yourself ill. What are you doing, Louise? For heaven's sake open the door."

18. "Go away. I am not making myself ill." No; she was drinking in a very elixir of life through that open window.

19. Her fancy was running riot along those days ahead of her. Spring days, and summer days, and all sorts of days that would be her own. She breathed a quick prayer that life might be long. It was only yesterday she had thought with a shudder that life might be long.

20. She arose at length and opened the door to her sister's importunities. There was a feverish triumph in her eyes, and she carried herself unwittingly like a goddess of Victory. She clasped her sister's waist, and together they descended the stairs. Richards stood waiting for them at the bottom.

21. Some one was opening the front door with a latchkey. It was Brently Mallard who entered, a little travel-stained, composedly carrying his grip-sack and umbrella. He had been far from the scene of the accident, and did not even know there had been one. He stood amazed at Josephine's piercing cry; at Richards' quick motion to screen him from the view of his wife.

22. But Richards was too late.

23. When the doctors came they said she had died of heart disease--of the joy that kills.

(1894; Also appeared in A Vocation and A Voice, an 1897 story collection)

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Biography of Kate Chopin

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The Story of an Hour -- A Modern Interpretation


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Creative Writing--Prompt #6

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Select ONE of the following options:

Option #1 (250-500 words):

Starting with today’s date, begin a 7-day journal for a major character from a story that you have already written or are writing now. If your story is set in the past, begin with today’s date, but in a year within the era of your character’s life.

In this journal, your character should make important and vivid observations about the world around him/her: recalling conversations/scenes with friends and others, offering background information on him/herself and others, recounting activities done for that day, and noting mini-epiphanies experienced throughout the week.

Option #2 (250-500 words):

Write a story that uses mostly dialogue. For the dialogue tags, do not use any verb except “say”/“says”/“said” or “ask”/“asks”/”asked.” In addition, do NOT use any adverbs within your dialogue tags.

In other words, use the dialogue itself to develop character and plot. Also, do not tell how a character feels; show the emotion in action or as described (via the five senses) by the narrator.

Option #3 (Revision):

Begin revising one of your drafts, a story that you might include in your final portfolio.

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If you have an alternate idea that you would like to try out instead of the above options, it’s okay.

NOTE: Don’t worry if you don’t finish this piece today or ever; you might discover that this prompt, for you, is a “false start.”

Writers should experience a lot of false starts.

☺


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American Literature: James Baldwin's "Sonny's Blues" (The Music)

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Am I Blue? -- Andor's Jazz Band 2008



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"Am I Blue?" is mentioned in James Baldwin's "Sonny's Blues" (in the African-American Literature Anthology, edited by Demetrice A. Worley and Jesse Perry, Jr., page 130).

I have a feeling, though, that Sonny's rendition was much livelier than this version.

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Charlie Parker and Coleman Hawkins, Lester Young, et al, 1950 - 1 of 2



kenjames64 says,

This is one of two surviving sound films of Charlie Parker playing (and certainly the longest; the other is only 52 seconds long). Until recently, this film was a rumor, and only still photos of it existed.

Watch Bird's amused expression as he watches Hawkins solo, and also how he cuts off the older Tenor man's solo. Although the musicians are filmed playing against tracks recorded earlier, it's still a fascinating and rare look at Bird on film.

1. Ballad (Hawkins, Bird, Jones, Brown, Rich)

2. Celebrity (Bird, Jones, Brown, Rich)

Personnel:

Charlie Parker (as)
Coleman Hawkins (ts)
Hank Jones (p)
Ray Brown (b)
Buddy Rich (d)

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Bird, Bean, and Prez, et al, 1950 - 2 of 2



kenjames 64 says,

1. Ad Lib: Hank Jones (p), Ray Brown (b), Buddy Rich (d)

2. Pennies From Heaven (unrecognizable): Bill Harris (tb), Lester Young (ts), Jones (p), Brown (b), Rich (d)

3. Blues For Greasy: Same as 2, with Harry Edison (t), Flip Phillips (ts), Ella Fitzgerald (v)

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In Sonny's Blues, Charlie Parker ("Bird") is mentioned several times, and is one of Sonny's favorite jazz musicians (page 119).

About Charlie Parker

About James Baldwin
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UPDATED: The Creation (James Weldon Johnson, 1871-1938), YouTube Video, and Genesis, Chapter 1

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(A Negro Sermon)
And God stepped out on space,
And He looked around and said,
“I’m lonely—
I’ll make me a world.”

And far as the eye of God could see
Darkness covered everything,
Blacker than a hundred midnights
Down in a cypress swamp.

Then God smiled,
And the light broke,
And the darkness rolled up on one side,
And the light stood shining on the other,
And God said, “That’s good!”

Then God reached out and took the light in His hands,
And God rolled the light around in His hands
Until He made the sun;
And He set that sun a-blazing in the heavens.
And the light that was left from making the sun
God gathered it up in a shining ball
And flung it against the darkness,
Spangling the night with the moon and stars.
Then down between
The darkness and the light
He hurled the world;
And God said, “That’s good!”

Then God himself stepped down—
And the sun was on His right hand,
And the moon was on His left;
The stars were clustered about His head,
And the earth was under His feet.
And God walked, and where He trod
His footsteps hollowed the valleys out
And bulged the mountains up.

Then He stopped and looked and saw
That the earth was hot and barren.
So God stepped over to the edge of the world
And He spat out the seven seas;
He batted His eyes, and the lightnings flashed;
He clapped His hands, and the thunders rolled;
And the waters above the earth came down,
The cooling waters came down.

Then the green grass sprouted,
And the little red flowers blossomed,
The pine tree pointed his finger to the sky,
And the oak spread out his arms,
The lakes cuddled down in the hollows of the ground,
And the rivers ran down to the sea;
And God smiled again,
And the rainbow appeared,
And curled itself around His shoulder.

Then God raised His arm and He waved His hand
Over the sea and over the land,
And He said, “Bring forth! Bring forth!”
And quicker than God could drop His hand.
Fishes and fowls
And beasts and birds
Swam the rivers and the seas,
Roamed the forests and the woods,
And split the air with their wings.
And God said, “That’s good!”

Then God walked around,
And God looked around
On all that He had made.
He looked at His sun,
And He looked at His moon,
And He looked at His little stars;
He looked on His world
With all its living things,
And God said, “I’m lonely still.”

Then God sat down
On the side of a hill where He could think;
By a deep, wide river He sat down;
With His head in His hands,
God thought and thought,
Till He thought, “I’ll make me a man!”

Up from the bed of the river
God scooped the clay;
And by the bank of the river
He kneeled Him down;
And there the great God Almighty
Who lit the sun and fixed it in the sky,
Who flung the stars to the most far corner of the night,
Who rounded the earth in the middle of His hand;
This Great God,
Like a mammy bending over her baby,
Kneeled down in the dust
Toiling over a lump of clay
Till He shaped it in His own image;

Then into it He blew the breath of life,
And man became a living soul.
Amen. Amen.


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James Weldon Johnson Reads His Poem "The Creation"
Poem animation done by poetryanimations



poetryanimations says,

Here's a virtual movie of the celebrated African American preacher poet James Weldon Johnson reading his sermon/poem "The Creation"

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(Genesis, Chapter 1)
1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

1:2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

1:3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

1:5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

1:6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

1:7 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

1:8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

1:9 And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

1:10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

1:11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.

1:12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

1:13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.

1:14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

1:15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

1:16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

1:17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

1:18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.

1:19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

1:20 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

1:21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

1:22 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

1:23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

1:24 And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

1:25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

1:29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

1:30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

1:31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

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Academic Writing: Summarizing and Paraphrasing Poems (Group Exercise)

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Time permitting (on 11/16), we will do this as a group exercise (during second half of class). No need to print this page out; I will give each of you a copy of your group poem.

Because many of you will be engaging in literary analyses and translations, I thought it might be a good idea to start your summarizing and paraphrasing unit with some short poems to summarize and paraphrase. Later on (probably for the 11/23 class), I will include some short literary passages.

Finally, just before your semester exam, we will work on some topical passages.

I will soon post Assignment #4, probably after Monday's class.

The Poems:

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Group 1:

“Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening,” by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase (to help you understand the poem better).

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

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Group 2:

“Fire and Ice” by Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase (to help you understand the poem better).

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

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Group 3:

“Yesterday is History,” by Emily Dickinson

Yesterday is History,
'Tis so far away
Yesterday is Poetry
'Tis Philosophy

Yesterday is mystery
Where it is Today
While we shrewdly speculate
Flutter both away

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase (to help you understand the poem better. For this poem, this may be a bit difficult, but give it your best effort).

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

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Group 4:

“Gypsy,” by Carl Sandburg

I asked a gypsy pal
To imitate an old image
And speak old wisdom.
She drew in her chin,
Made her neck and head
The top piece of a Nile obelisk
and said:
Snatch off the gag from thy mouth, child,
And be free to keep silence.
Tell no man anything for no man listens,
Yet hold thy lips ready to speak.

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase.

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

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Group 5:

“A Poem,” by Walter de la Mare

Here lies a most beautiful lady,
Light of step and heart was she:
I think she was the most beautiful lady
That ever was in the West Country.
But beauty vanishes; beauty passes;
However rare, rare it be;
And when I crumble who shall remember
This lady of the West Country?

1. In one sentence, summarize the poem.

2. Write a line-by-line paraphrase (to help you understand the poem better).

3. Write a prose paraphrase.

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American Literature--The Piano Lesson: Character Study Exercise

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Lymon (Courtney B. Vance) in the "Berta, Berta" Scene in The Piano Lesson
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Tasks 1, 2, 4 and, 5 will consist of developing character studies of two characters.

Task 3 will consist of comparing and contrasting two characters.

We will discuss these character studies in class (tentatively on December 7). I will then ask that you submit, via email, your studies, which I will post on the website (I'll let you know in class when this is due).

Task 1: A.M.

--Boy Willie, 30

--Wining Boy, 56

Task 2: V.I.

--Lymon, 29

--Avery, 38

Task 3: K.B.

Compare and contrast:

Lymon, 29, and Avery, 38.

In your opinion, which of these characters would be the best match for Berniece?

Task 4: D.A.

--Doaker, 47

--Grace, age not specified, probably slightly older than Boy Willie and Lymon

Task 5: Ms. Siegel

--Berniece, 35

--Maretha, 11

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American Literature–The Piano Lesson (August Wilson) (Notes on the 1995 Hallmark Film)

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"Berta, Berta," Prison Work Song from The Piano Lesson, Written and Directed by August Wilson

dansato says,

In the play, this is "Berta Berta" [lyrics on pages 833-834 in Literature and Society, 4th edition, full reference below and here] a prison work song the men learned while in Parchman Farm (Penitentiary) in Mississippi. You can hear its roots in the field songs of slaves and in gospel call-and-response, as well as the relation to its distant descendant, rock 'n' roll. Actors: Charles Dutton, Courtney Vance, Carl Gordon, Tommy Hollis. Dir. Lloyd Richards.

Afterwards, hear a short clip of a real prison work song.

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(Part Four of August Wilson’s “Pittsburgh Cycle”)

Setting (place and time):

Pittsburgh, circa 1936

Major Characters (and ages, according to August Wilson):

Boy Willie, 30 (Charles S. Dutton)

Lymon, 29 (Courtney B. Vance)

Doaker, 47 (Carl Gordon)

Berniece, 35 (Alfre Woodard)

Maretha, 11 (Zelda Harris)

Avery, 38 (Tommy Hollis)

Wining Boy, 56 (Lou Myers)

Grace, age not specified, probably slightly older than Boy Willie and Lymon (Rosalyn Coleman)

Characters mentioned in the dialogue but who do not appear on stage or the film:

Papa Boy Charles (Berniece and Boy Willie’s late father and Doaker’s brother, killed in 1911 after stealing the piano from the Sutter family)

Mama Ola (Berniece and Boy Willie’s late mother)

Sutter (the 340-pound man who ended up in the well and is now a “ghost”)

Crawley (Berniece’s late husband, killed after stealing firewood)

Cleotha (Wining Boy’s late wife)

Important characters not appearing on stage (but appear in the Hallmark film in flashbacks):

Papa Boy Willie (Harold Surratt)

Mama Berniece (Elva Branson)

Sutter, the slave owner (Tim Hartman)

Miss Ophelia, slave-owner Sutter’s wife (Lynne Innerst)

Minor characters appearing in the film:

Ace (Tommy Lafitte)

Dolly (? Appeared in a cameo in the movie theater)

Watermelon Lady (Alice Eisner)

Watermelon Man (Ben Tatar)

Nolander (Bob Tracey)

Director/Writer of film version:

August Wilson

Major Themes

--The American Dream versus Tradition

--Race: relationship between blacks and whites (in both South and North)—socio-economic issues

--Freedom (in its many guises--20th century America motifs

--Pre-feminism: relationships between women and men (potential romance?)

--The supernatural/spirituality/organized religion

--Family drama/conflict/relationships

--Stereotypes/inverted stereotypes

--Music (The Blues)

--Cultural legends, lore (the reference to Stagolee, a folk hero), and folktales

--Family stories

--Humor)

Questions for Discussion

What word is missing from the film and why?

What scenes have been added to the film?

What scenes have been deleted from the film?

What is the legend of the Yellow Dog, and how is it depicted in the film?

August Wilson specifies ages for the major characters. In your opinion, did the Hallmark casting director cast these parts to match the ages noted in the play script? Why or why not?

To read the play, see Literature and Society: An Introduction to Fiction, Poetry, Drama, Nonfiction, 4th Ed. (Edited by Pamela J. Annas and Robert C. Rosen), Upper Saddle River (NJ): Pearson/Prentice Hall, 2007. 808-879.

Questions: # 1-14, pages 877-878

Suggestions for Writing: # 1-4, pages 878-879.

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Interesting websites about playwright August Wilson:

Piano Lesson, painting that influenced August Wilson, by Romare Bearden:

August Wilson Website

About August Wilson
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American Literature--"The Weary Blues" (Langston Hughes and Read by Langston Hughes--Two Versions

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Langston Hughes "Sings" "The Weary Blues"



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Langston Hughes Recites "The Weary Blues"



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Creative Writing--Guidelines for Preparing and Accepting Critiques from Peers

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Your Reviewer (NOT! At least I hope not.)
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Preparing to Accept Critiques:

1. Leave your ego at the door.

Do NOT come to class or group expecting to be praised for every word that you write. The purpose of this class is to help you become a better creative writer, so a little humility will go a long way.

2. Before coming to class, analyze your own work,

Using Peer or Self Reviewing a Story as a guideline; that way, you will get an idea of what kind of comments to expect from your group.

3. Write a short paragraph in which you assess your own work-in-progress draft, such as weaknesses and strengths.

What do you like best about the piece so far?

The least?

Where are you experiencing the most difficulty in the piece?

What help do you want most from the class?

4. Develop some questions that you have about your piece,

Which you will ask your peers after the class has critiqued your work.

5. If you think of any additional questions during the critique,

Please feel free to jot them down, but do wait until the class has finished with its critique before asking your questions.

Accepting Critiques:

1. It’s your story or poem.

You can choose to accept or reject a critique, for not all peer reviewers exhibit the same analytical abilities. Besides, YOU are the creator, but...

2. Approach the review with an open mind;

You never know what stroke of brilliance you might find, even in an awful review.

3. If you are not clear about something a peer reviewer has said

About your story, you have the right to ask him/her for clarification, but do this in a polite manner; try not to be defensive.

4. Read Nancy Kress' Writer’s Digest article,

“Critiquing the Critics” (see your email message for how to access it), and READ IT CAREFULLY. This October 1992 article is one of the best that I have found on the subject.

5. If you are having difficulties with a peer reviewer,

Please see me. Bring copies of your work, the reviewer’s written critique, and your concerns.

Note to Author:

This is your story, and, ultimately, you’ll have to decide what works and what doesn’t work. Read the critique carefully, take what you need from it, and ignore the rest. And PLEASE read “Critiquing the Critics,” Writer’s Digest; if nothing else, it will make you feel better if you get a negative critique.

Still, don’t expect constant praise. If you go into the workshop with an open mind, your work will open up to the world; conversely, if your mind is closed to new suggestions and ideas, your work will wither.

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Creative Writing: Peer or Self Reviewing a Story

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Using the list below, consider the following areas in your analysis:

1. Theme

What is the story about? You should be able to summarize the story in one or two sentences.

2. Plot/structure

Does the story follow the traditional story structure?

Beginning ➔ Rising action➔ Climax➔Falling action➔ Epiphany➔ Resolution

If not, does the nontraditional structure work? How is the story structured? (If you can’t figure out the structure, feel free to ask the author.)

3. Conflict

Does the story involve a well-defined conflict that makes the story worth reading? What is the conflict? (No conflict = no story. All fiction MUST be driven by conflict.)

4. Beginning.

Does that first sentence and/or paragraph reach out and grab you, immersing you into the story?

5. Characterization (protagonist and antagonist; supporting characters).

Does the protagonist, the main character, evolve during the course of the story, or is he or she a static character who does not change as a result of the unfolding events and his/her epiphany?

How might the author develop a better evolved protagonist?

Does the antagonist (an opposing force for the protagonist) create enough of a conflict for the protagonist? If not, how might the author develop the antagonist better?

Are all the supporting or minor characters necessary? If not, who might the author cut?

6. Verisimilitude (Believability)

How believable are the plot and events?

Does the overall plot line feel plausible to you, even if the author has written a ghost story, science fiction, or fantasy?

Does the author avoid resorting to cheesy plot devices, such as “deus ex machina” (in which a “god” or unknown force rescues the protagonist at the very last minute, without having been foreshadowed)?

7. Setting

Does the setting reflect the mood of the story? How does the writer develop setting as mood?

8. Point of view (POV)

What point of view does the story use?

Options: first person (“I”); third person (“he” or “she”), singular; third person, limited omniscient (multiple viewpoints, usually two or three); third person, omniscient (all-knowing “God” viewpoint); third person, objective; second person (“you,”not used too often).

Does the point of view seem appropriate? If not, what POV would seem more appropriate?

9. Tense (Present, Past, Future)

What tense does the author use?

In your view, is this the appropriate tense? If not, explain why.

Does the author mix past and present tense? If so, ask what tense the author has intended, and mark the lapses with a “9.”

Please note that stories written in the moment (present tense) will often refer back to past events in the past tense, and this is perfectly correct, so make sure that you don’t mark these passages as inconsistent. (Future tense is rarely used in modern fiction, usually in conjunction with the present tense.)

10. Dialogue/Dramatic Monologue

Does the writer incorporate dialogue (two or more speakers) or dramatic monologue (one speaker)? If not, might the piece benefit from some well-placed dialogue or dramatic monologue that reveals details about the speakers? Put a “10” where the author might consider developing dialogue and/or dramatic monologue.

11. Scene, Details, and Description

Has the author included important story events in scenes that include dialogue, details, and description to show character and/or plot development? If not, mark those areas with an “11.”

12. Summary

Does the author summarize parts of the story that, while important, are not important enough to warrant an entire scene? Mark areas that should be summarized. mark those areas with an “12.”

13. Scope

Is the scope, or time frame, of the story narrow or wide enough?

(One of the most common problems of student stories involves a scope that is too broad, which I refer to “I’m-going-to-start-at-the-character’s-birth-and-continue-until-he-or-she-dies”syndrome).

Think “slice-of-life” for story scope.

14. Language

a. Is syntax (word order within the sentence) used in ways that we don’t usually hear or expect? If so, does the unusual structure work for this story? If not, mark “14a.”

b. Is the language direct? Does the author use economy of language as opposed to wordiness? If not, what could be deleted? Mark suggested deletions with “14b.”

c. What kinds of imagery are used? (Imagery = use of the five senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, as experienced through concrete language). (Mark “14c.”)

d. Has the author used any inappropriate word choices, including wrong words and/or cliches? Mark these words “14d.”

e What passages could be rewritten to incorporate concrete language rather than abstractions? Mark these areas “14e.”

f. What could be suggested rather than told outright? Mark these areas “14f.”

g. Circle any “to be” forms of verbs (e.g., is, am, are, was, were, will, etc.). Could any of these passive verbs be developed into active verbs (in which the subject is doing the action)? Mark these areas “14g.” (Active voice is almost always more powerful than passive voice.)

h. Circle any adjectives and adverbs. Which of these modifiers could be cut? (Mark “14h”)

i. Does the author use appropriate sentence length to develop pacing? (Short, staccato sentences = fast pacing; lengthy, compound/complex sentences = slow pacing. In short, an author can manipulate pacing via sentence length. Authors often use sentence length variety to reflect changing pace within a story.) Mark inappropriate pacing with “14i.”

15. Surface Areas: (Punctuation, Spelling, Grammar, Mechanics)

In dialogue or first person narrative, the writer may be intentionally suspending the rules of proper English. If so, ask the writer about intent. Ultimately, is the result successful?

16. Peer Narrative

a. In some detail, discuss overall STRENGTHS of story.

b. In some detail, discuss overall WEAKNESSES of story.

c. In your opinion, what are the most critical areas that the author should be working on?

Note to Reviewer:

When critiquing a story or poem, please tell the writer what you like about the story and then give him/her some specific and constructive ideas for improving areas that could use some improvement.

Be honest, and tell the author what you think he/she needs to know, BUT use positive and encouraging language.

However, don’t overpraise the story or poem because, ultimately, false praise will not help the author write better.

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Creative Writing--Guidelines For Writing a Critique of a Creative Work

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These guidelines pertain to ALL creative writing, not just fiction:

1. Read

Read through the story or poem once before making any comments on the peer sheet or manuscript. For this first reading, you are simply reading as if you were picking up a magazine or short story or poetry collection--in short, a casual reading.

2. Think

Take a few minutes to think about what you have just read.

3. Write

On a separate piece of paper, jot down your overall impression (which you MAY or MAY NOT be sharing with the author), e.g. “I don’t like stories or poems about baseball, so I didn’t like this one” OR “I didn’t like the grandmother as a person” OR “I just love the religious overtones of the piece.” The idea is to get past “personal biases” and “agendas” and get on with offering the author a fair critique based on craft, not personal tastes on the part of the reviewer.

4. Reread

Read the story or poem again, this time, as you read, jotting down comments on a separate piece of paper. If you discover that you don’t like the story or poem no matter how many times you read it, try to figure out WHY. For example, does the story or poem need technical work, or do you have a personal aversion to style, a character, theme, etc.? If so, let the writer know about your biases.

5. Answer Questions

Now look over your notes and answer the questions from Peer or Self Reviewing a Short Story.

6. Write a Constructive Critique

Write a constructive critique of the story. You may jot down notes on the author’s manuscript.

Begin your critique by accentuating the positive.

When discussing weaknesses, do so in a spirit of professional respect and a willingness to be helpful. Be honest, but write in a thoughtful and considerate manner--the way that you would want your work to be critiqued. And give the author your best shot!

7. Offer the Critique to the Author.

When you are finished, distribute the critique and story to the author.

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UPDATE: Academic Writing--Five Rhetorical Occasions: Group Letters or Notes (11/2 Revisions Posted)

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During class on November 2, five groups of students revised their October 26 letters, which were based on the following five rhetorical situations:

1. Close Family Member:

Write a note to one of your parents, asking him or her if you can borrow the car to take to Lake Ohrid for a week.

Hi Mom,

Can I please take the car next week? I'm planning to take Elica, Aleksandra, Kate, Vesna, Gorjan, and Sanja to Ohrid since they've never been there. I know that you might need the car, but you know how much you like cycling, so I was hoping you could use my bike. I promise to drive safely and call you every day. If anything happens to the car, I'll do dishes for a month!

Love,

Your favorite child

(Group 1: Katerina Angelkovska, Elica Atanasovska, Vesna Ilievska, Gorjan Kostovski, Sanja Pleshkova, Aleksandra Velkova)

Professor's Notes: Your overall tone/register is good for this situation.

However, you need to "butter up" your mother some more. Maybe your parents do like to cycle, but do you think that they will want to cycle to work for a week, even if it rains? As a parent I would be lol (laughing out loud).

Suggestions for revisions:

I would up the stakes more and offer your mother more of a reason to grant your request. For example,

--Offer to pay for your own petrol, to and from Lake Ohrid. Now while that may seem expensive, you have five friends who are going with you, so you would not be out of line to ask them to chip in. That way, you could return the car to your mother with a full tank of gas (even if the tank isn't full when you get the car). Your mother will love you even more and will likely to see you in a new light: as a young and responsible adult. Who knows? Maybe she will regularly lend you her car for long trips.

--Promise (and stick to it) not to drink alcohol while driving.

--Upon your return from Ohrid, offer to wash the car, inside and out. Even if your mother usually drives a garbage can on wheels, she will love her nice cleaned-out car.

--If you should wreck the car, offer to pay what insurance will not cover, either in denars or jobs around the house. That will give you an incentive to drive like a little old lady (from Pasadena).

--In return for her thoughtfulness, offer to help her with a major household project when you return (even if you bring the car home in pristine condition).

Depending on your family situation, you may not need to offer all the above promises, but you should definitely offer to compensate your mother for any damages you do to the car.

Suggestions for revision: Up the stakes and use more paragraphs, setting off each idea separately.

11/2 Revision: Much better job

Hi Mom, Can I please take the car next week? I'm planning to take Elica, Aleksandra, Kate, Vesna, Gorjan, and Sanja to Ohrid since they've never been there. They're all willing to split the gas money and I promise to be extra careful with the car. Plus, they'll all come next week and help out with the painting of the house. I'll remember to get you that Ohrid Pearl you've always wanted.

If anything happens to the car I'll take full responsibility.

Love,

Your favorite son

(11/2, Group 1: Katerina Angelkovska, Elica Atanasovska, Vesna Ilievska, Gorjan Kostovski, Sanja Pleshkova, Aleksandra Tomeska, Aleksandra Velkova)

2. Good Friend:

Write a note to your best friend, asking him or her if you can borrow 1,000 denars, which you will pay back in two weeks, after you get paid.

Dear Maria,

I'm writing to you hoping that you could help me out. Unfortunately, my boss told me that I'd get my paycheck two weeks later than usual. Could you lend me 1000 denars. It would be a great help in this fucked-up situation.

As soon as I get my paycheck I'll pay you back. I promise. We could get together and grab some coffee in Starbucks. It's on my pocket!!! ;=)

Please, take me out of this shit.

Love,

Sarah

xoxoxo

(Group 2: Biljana Atanasovska, Goran Dimitriev, Mila Dimoska, Vladimir Galabovski, Elena Ivanovska, Natasha Stojanovska)

Professor's Notes: Your overall tone/register is good for this situation.

As far as the profanity goes: if you're writing (as opposed to speaking), you would less likely use profanity with your friend. In writing (even in an email), it's less common to swear (or cuss, as we sometimes say), even among friends. However, in class, I did say that it would be okay to keep it, so I'm not scolding your group. However, in your group revision, you should probably get rid of these two big-thunder swear words and replace them with some milder profanity, such as "damn" (for fucked-up) and "crap" (for shit).

"It's on my pocket" is not a typical English term (at least in American English); we would be more likely to say, "My treat" or "It's on me."

Also, when you ask a question, don't forget the question mark at the end.

Suggestions for revisions:

I don't believe that you need to up the stakes any more; Maria is your close friend who will likely lend you the money--that is, unless you have a reputation as being a "deadbeat borrower" (someone who never pays back a loan). Then, no matter what you promise, you would not likely get a loan.

I would suggest more use of paragraphing. Frequent paragraphing makes the text more readable and attractive to the reader.

11/2 Revision: Good job.

Dear Maria,

I'm writing to you hoping that you could help me out. Unfortunately, my boss told me that I'd get my paycheck two weeks later than usual. Could you lend me 1000 denars? It would be a great help coz I don't see another way out.

As soon as I get my paycheck I'll pay you back, I promise. Also, we could get together and grab some coffee in Starbucks like in good old times. It's on me!! ;).

Please, take me out of this crap.

Love,

Sarah

xoxoxo

(11/2, Group 2: Biljana Atanasovska, Goran Dimitriev, Vladimir Galabovski, Natasha Stojanovska)

3. Acquaintance:

Write a note to a classmate, asking for a ride to Aleksander the Great Aerodrome, for a flight that departs at 5:30 in the morning. You are not very close to this person, but he or she has a large van that can hold your three suitcases.

Dear Classmate,

Do you like beer? If you want the beer you need to take me to the Alexander the Great Aerodrome. My flight departs at 5:30 a.m. and you won't be needing a sleep.

You will have to pick me up at 3:30 a.m..

Please use your van as a means of transport because I have three enormous suitcases.

If you don't like beer, my father is a representative for a company that imports high quality Columbian black coffee so he's gonna pull some strings and give you a box or two.

I'm sorry I've been ignoring you up to now.

Looking forward to your positive answer.

Yours sincerely,

Group 3

(11/2, Group 3: Frosina Angelkoska, Kosta Bojcheski, Seniha Islamovska, Cvetanka Kabransova, Aleksandar Milenkov, Biljana Zdravkovska)

Professor's Notes: While this letter made us all laugh in class, I'm not all that certain that it would accomplish what you set out to do: get a ride to the aerodrome.

The opening "Do you like beer?" seems a bit strange. If I were the recipient, I would be scratching my head and questioning the writer's motives. I'd be suspicious and ask myself, "Whoa! What does this dude want, anyway?"

If I didn't distrust you before, the sentence "I'm sorry I've been ignoring you up to now" would definitely raise my hackles. It's SO transparent and obvious that the only reason you're getting in touch with "Classmate" (does he have a name?) is to cadge a ride from him.

For the ride, you offer beer, but your text sounds more like a command than a request. You need to pose your request as a question.

Then, in the middle of the letter, you realized that your classmate might not like beer, so you offer the "high quality Colombian black coffee," which, in itself, isn't so bad. However, do you really need to tell someone you don't know well that you can pull strings to get it (even if it's true)? All "Classmate" needs to know is that the delicious coffee could be possible compensation for his trouble.

Here's the deal: you are asking someone you don't know very well a MAJOR favor. Getting up at 3:30 a.m. to take an acquaintance to the aerodrome would not be high on my list of things I would want to do. I definitely wouldn't do it for the above letter writer, not with that tone of voice.

Okay, then. You'll need to revise your request. So where do you go from here?

Suggestions for revisions:

--First, you need to do some research on transportation costs to the aerodrome. You will find that a taxi from Skopje to the aerodrome costs roughly 800 denars, perhaps with a 100-denar tip (depending on how much the taxi-driver is willing to help you with your suitcases). If you need a larger taxi, it would probably cost roughly 1,000 - 1,100 denars (plus 100 denars for a tip). Your acquaintance probably already knows this.

--Second, you need to make the favor worth "Classmate's" time and consideration, by offering him, for example, 500 denars, about half the cost of a large taxi, plus some of the coffee.

Don't flatter him with insincere statements; he already knows why you are writing the letter to him. He realizes that you aren't really that interested in hanging out with him on a regular basis, so don't give him a line of bull. You simply want something that he has the power to grant or refuse; therefore, you have to make him an offer that benefits him more than it does you (or make other plans).

--Third, your last sentence contains yet another statement that demands: "Looking forward to your positive answer." How do you know that the answer will be positive? "Classmate" just might crumple up your letter and toss it away, and you and your three enormous suitcases will be hiking to the aerodrome on foot.

--Finally, think about overall register here: less than formal, but more than informal. After all, the favor requested is larger than the friendship, which seems to be minimal, at best. Thus, for the last sentence, you might consider a more formal call for action.

11/2 revision: MUCH better job; you are more likely to convince John to give you the much-coveted ride.

Dear John,

I would like to ask you a huge favor. I should be leaving for the United States on Wednesday. My plane's taking off at 5:30 a.m. I need somebody who has a bigger means of transport, because I have three enormous suitcases. I am writing this note to you because I know you have a van that could carry them. However, I don't know how to drive, so I would like to ask you if you could take me to the airport. I'm ready to offer you something in exchange. I can pay for the gas and buy you breakfast. If there's anything else other than this, please let me know. I hope you'll agree because it will mean a lot to me and maybe someday I could return your favor.

Sincerely yours,

Mary

(11/2, Group 3: Frosina Angelkoska, Kosta Bojcheski, Cvetanka Kabransova, Aleksandar Milenkov, Bilijana Nedelkoska, Biljana Zdravkovska)

4. Business Relationship:

Write a letter to your bank representative, asking for a 500,000 denar loan for a new automobile.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing in reference to your car loan offer. My name is Aleksander Dimitriev and I have a steady job in a translation bureau in Skopje. I have been working in this firm for five years and my salary ammounts to 400 euros. That being said I am able to regularly pay the loan I am asking you for. The exact ammount I require is 500,000 denars. I really assure that I would be able to pay back this loan with my curent monthly income. As another reassurance is my car insurance and my two refferences who will be a guarantee that the loan will be payed back no matter the circumstances.

(Group 4: Aleksandar Dimitriev, Ivana Jovevska, Bukurie Kajoli, Biljana Mojsoska, Ana Nikolovska, Katerina Nikolovska, Maja Ristovska)

Professor's Notes: Your formal register/tone is exactly right for this situation. Also, your reassurances to the loan officer are mostly complete.

I'm not sure how the loan application process works in Macedonia, but in the U.S., an applicant would fill out a lengthy loan form. One would not likely write a letter to apply for a car loan, unless one were refused the loan and wanted to state one's case for being awarded a loan. So, admittedly, the task assigned to you is a bit contrived.

Suggestions for revisions:

--Use more paragraphing. Frequent paragraphing makes the text more readable and attractive to the reader.

--You should inquire about interest rates and whether those rates would be fixed or adjustable. There may be different loan percentages for different situations, such as money down or money already on deposit in the bank.

--What could you offer for collateral? Money down? A note on your home? A co-signer (In your case, likely a parent or other relative)? Your references (an employer and friend, perhaps) may or may not co-sign your loan.

--Correct your spelling (dictionaries and spell checkers).

--In a real situation, research the name of the person responsible for granting car loans at your bank. Then, in your salutation, address that person by name ("Dear Mr________").

--How would you close your letter?

11/2 Revision: Good additions, but see note below.

Dear Mr Smith,

I am writting in refference to your car loan offer published the daily newspaper "Dnevnik" on 10.09.2009.

My name is Aleksander Dimitriev and I have got a steady job as a translator in a translation bureau "Wordfast" in Skopje. I have been working in this firm for five years and my salary ammounts to 400 euros. That being said, I am able to regularly pay the loan I am asking you for. The exact ammount I require is 500,000 denars.

I assure that I would be able to pay back this loan within the time stipulated. As a reassurance, I offer my car insurance. In addition, I have a flat in possession which I am renting.

I believe that I respond to your demands in a propper manner. Please to do hesitate to contact me should you require any further information.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Aleksander Dimitriv

(11/2, Group 4: Aleksandar Dimitriev, Marija Dudanovska, Ivana Jovevska, Bukurie Kajoli, Biljana Mojsoska, Ana Nikolovska, Maja Ristovska)

(Group 4 had the most difficult task. Had they more time, they would have been able to correct their spelling errors, noted in red. Also, in paragraph 4, use "criteria" instead of "demands"; the language of business should be devoid of emotion and emotional appeals.

Aside from these errors, Group 4 did a good job with adding detail and working on format--complete with heading, date, and inside address--and structure, particularly frequent paragraphing.)

5. Employer:

An elderly uncle needs to go to Germany for a very serious operation, and you need to accompany him. Write a letter to your boss, asking for two weeks unpaid leave from work.

Dear Ms Collins,

I am writing to request a two-week-long unpaid leave of absence, starting November 15. My elderly uncle is seriously ill and has to undergo an urgent surgery in Germany. Since he has no other relations, I was asked to accompany him. I am aware that my absence comes at a very busy time for the company, but I have already talked to my colleague Catherine Adams who has volunteered to substitute me. In addition, I am prepared to work extra hours prior to leaving for Germany so that I can finish most of my obligations in advance. Thank you for your understanding.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Tim Brown

(Group 5: Daniela Atanasova, Tihomir Davchev, Natalia Dimitrovska, Nikola Gjelimcheski, Vanja Tripunoska)

Professor's Notes: The register/tone of this letter is correct. If I were your employer, I would probably grant, based on this letter, your unpaid leave. You have assured the employer that your absence will not cost the company money or time. You have laid out a good plan of action. So it looks as though your uncle will have a companion for Germany.

Suggestions for revision:

--More frequent paragraphing. Frequent paragraphing makes the text more readable and attractive to the reader.

--You might make one more offer to the employer: documentation of your journey upon your return, especially if the company is large and the person in charge of personnel doesn't know you well. (In a small company, this might been seen as an insult, so you would have to know the culture of your company.)

11/2 Revision: Good structure and format improvements. Your content was already good.

Dear Ms Collins,

I am writing to request a two-week-long unpaid leave of absence, starting November 15.

My elderly uncle is seriously ill and has to undergo an urgent surgery in Germany. Since he has no other relations, I was asked to accompany him. I am aware that my absence comes at a very busy time for the company, but I have already talked to my colleague Catherine Adams who has volunteered to substitute [for] me. In addition, I am prepared to work extra hours prior to leaving for Germany so that I can finish most of my obligations in advance.

Should you require any further information, or any documentation of the trip afterwards, please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you for your understanding.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Tim Brown

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Tim Brown

(11/2, Group 5: Daniela Atanasova, Tihomir Davchev, Natalia Dimitrovska, Nikola Gjelimcheski, Vanja Tripunoska)

(Group 5 also used the formal format: heading, date, and inside address.)

_______________________________________________________________________

HOMEWORK: For next week's class (November 2), revise, on your own, the letter written by your group. This may be handwritten. In class, you will compare your letter to that of your other group members. Then, based on your individual letters (and group negotiation), your group will revise your letter.

Your group letter will then be peer reviewed by another group:

Group 1 will review Group 5's letter.

Group 2 will review Group 3's letter.

Group 3 will review Group 4's letter.

Group 4 will review Group 2's letter.

Group 5 will review Group 1's letter.

After Peer Review, you will and submit your group revisions to me.

*